Category Archives: Humor

Irony at the Library

Claire joined the summer reading program at the local library. Last week she read tens hours. Ten hours of peace and quiet.

Her prizes for reading: A kazoo and a slide whistle.

Advertisements

Today’s Search Results

“What about Brian Castle Cakes?”

My Favorite Sport

When I was a teenager I loved to play sports. This is most likely from the influence of my older brother who was talented and gifted in every sport. You name the sport and he could play it. I was his ball rebounder for basketball, his outfielder for baseball and his goalie for soccer. And sometimes as a bonus I was his punching bag.

Back then my favorite sport was basketball. I loved the excitement of the game. It was fast paced. You had to learn plays and strategies. Being a competitive person by nature I thrived on the competition. I hated to lose.

As an adult I don’t get much opportunity to play competitive sports. I have to make up my own sports. I used to play in a competitive diaper changing game, then it was the cutest dressed kids league, but that got too expensive. Now I like to join in a pick up game of grocery shopping every once in awhile.

Grocery shopping can be a sport. Think about it. You have to have a strategy. Pushing that cart up and down the aisles throwing in the best deals and elbowing out the competition. I mean, being kind to the other patrons of the store. Sometimes that is more exhausting.

Never go to the store without a list. Never go hungry. Never, and I mean never, take your children OR your husband. Your bill will be twice the size. Okay , take your kids if you want some help, but leave the husband at home. He can help haul in the load after your exhausting grocery store run.

I recently went to Aldi’s for a shopping trip. If are not familiar with Aldi’s you should try shopping there sometime. Aldi is a German based company that has ridiculously low prices. They keep prices low several ways which adds to the fun of the game.

First, they charge you a quarter for a cart. If you turn your cart back in you get your quarter back. They don’t have to pay a worker to collect the carts because some poor soul will take the empty cart back to get the quarter. But I have never been so lucky. Don’t forget your quarter or you will have to beg someone in the parking lot for their cart and it’s not pretty.

When you walk in the store you will notice there are no shelves. The items are still in the cardboard boxes in stacks on each side of the aisle. After you fill your cart to the brim (I wait until the last possible day to shop so mine is always full) you place all of your items on an incredibly long conveyor belt. Your cart must be empty or the Cashier Nazi will scold you.

This is where the real fun starts. The cashiers are well paid and are trained to throw all of your groceries as fast as possible back into your cart. They are even careful not to break your eggs or squish your bread. It always cracks me up how fast they can toss your cookies (I couldn’t help myself).

The last way they save you moola is to have you bag your own groceries. Oh, and you have to buy the bags or bring your own. I have a friend that just puts laundry baskets in the back of her van and has her husband carry it in for her. I don’t mind bagging my own since the 12 year old boy at Meijer usually mixes up the frozen stuff with the paper goods. Not a good combination.

My only competition is myself. And my prize for winning…cold, hard cash.

See you in the frozen food aisle playing field.

This is Fun for Geeks

I found these T-shirts and thought I might get a couple for Larry for Father’s Day.


He could have used this one the other day.

will-not-fix1.jpg

He could wear this one to the Apple store and Best Buy.

lg-i-dont-work-here.jpg

And one for me.

love-my-geek-black1.jpg

We thought of some for the kids to wear.

“My Dad is a bigger Geek than yours”

” My Dad writes better code than your dad”

“My Dad can beat the HTML out of your Dad.”

Larry wants one that say “I’m a Mac”

I think He’s the Mac Daddy.

Mom, I Feel Crafty

I took the girls to Michael’s the other day to get my Mom a Mother’s day present. They mistakenly thought I said I would buy them crafts to make for Mother’s day.

We are in the store not more than ten minutes when one of the girls pipes up that “All this Art makes me have to go to the bathroom.” This is true because every time we go to Michael’s we visit their lovely restroom.

Five minutes later we are back looking for a gift when a second child starts to feel “crafty.”

We make a second trip to the bathroom.

Afterwards the girls have a discussion on why public bathrooms are not clean. And what is wrong with people.

Seriously, if I only had a recorder.

Bringing Back Big Hair – One Head at A Time

Susy and I had a fun day shopping together Saturday afternoon while Emma was at a birthday party. For a six year old she already has the great makings of a shop-a-holic. Just the kind of character we were trying to instill in our children.

Of course while we were out we had to stop for a little lunch. This was how my mother trained me in the ways of the shop-a-holic. She and I would go to Hudson’s for a Mandarin Chicken salad. And then a frozen yogart cone on the way out. I used to think that she got the frozen yogart as a treat for me. Now as a mother I know better. It was her reward for making it through the mall with a whiny kid.

So while Susy and I were enjoying our chips and queso at Moe’s (I’m pretty sure they put addictive drugs in that stuff), we discussed birthday parties and shoes and what store we should go to next. It reminded me of many such conversations I had with my own mother while we were out shopping. And it made me look forward to when Susy is older and we can discuss something more deep than what color frosting she wants on her cake.

We made a quick pitstop at the bathroom because this is Susy we are talking about. She has a bladder the size of a walnut.(Another trait she received from my mother.)

While in the restroom I mentioned that I was having a bad hair day. It was flat and frizzy all at the same time.

Susy had to agree. She said, “Yeah. I like your hair better when it is big.”

I knew I was raising her right.

Save the Snowman

Larry sent me this link to a great holiday time waster.

Thanks Honey.

Save the Snowman