January 16, 2000 will forever be a date embedded in my mind. It was the day I found out I would be a mother of three children. It was the day I found out I would have three kids under the age of three. It was the day my husband decided to stop going to the Seminary for a while, like 9 years.

To say that I was surprised would be understatement.

Surprise would be a good word to describe my entire pregnancy with Susannah. After two weeks of adjusting to the idea that I was pregnant again for the third time in three years I thought I had a miscarriage. I went to the doctor and there was no heartbeat. They did an ultrasound and could not find a baby. It was a very sad time for us. The doctor was a little optimistic because my hormone levels were still so high. He sent me home to wait a week for another ultrasound. One week has never been so long.

At the second ultrasound the technician could not find a baby. There was no heartbeat. The doctor said something about an empty sac and unfertilized egg. All I heard was you’re not pregnant. They took more blood and my hormone levels were still very high. The doctor did not want to be too optimistic, but he said it would not hurt to wait one more week before doing anything drastic. He said most likely your body is adjusting to losing the baby. He made an appointment for us at the hospital to get an ultrasound with higher tech equipment.

I remember crying all the way home from the doctor’s office. I knew God was in control and I knew our baby was with Him. But it still hurt.

Meanwhile, I was planning a baby shower for my best friend. She was expecting her first baby and I was so happy for her. It was a very emotional time for me. I was happy, sad, confused, angry all at the same time.

We went with heavy hearts to the third ultrasound. We thought we would just be confirming what the doctor thought, that I was not pregnant. As soon as the technician put the scope on me there was a baby! Surprise! We both started crying. We could not believe it. There was a little beating heart and a healthy baby.

Tomorrow is Susannah’s birthday. And she has been surprising me ever since.  Surprised that one little baby could cry that much. Surprised that one little girl could destroy that many tubes of lipstick. Surprised that a girl could change her clothes that many times in one day. Surprised that an 8 year old could make me laugh that hard.

Surprised that I could love someone so much.

Happy Birthday Suze.

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